


The Look in His Eyes

by remyskindathicc



Category: Ratatouille (2007)
Genre: Also there's a shit ton of plot holes lmao, But Remy and Linquini are another story lmao, Depression, Don't worry it's not mega sad until the end lmao, Drama & Romance, It's fucking gruesome, Like jesus christ dont read this if your sensitive to violence, Love Triangles, M/M, Murder, Not Canon Compliant, Other, POV Second Person, Revenge, Sad Ending, Suicide, Swearing, There's only a wee bit of beastiality, Unrequited Love, Violent as shit, You're a rat for most of your relationship with Remy, please ignore them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2020-09-07 02:17:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20301808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remyskindathicc/pseuds/remyskindathicc
Summary: You've recently been hired as a cleaner at the famous restaurant, Gusteau's. What you expect to be a normal part-time job winds up being something much more. In the span of just a few days, you experience love, heartbreak, tragedy, and death.How did you turn into a rat? What secrets are Remy hiding? Will Lingpeenie ever stop being a little bitch?Read to find out!





	1. The Little Bitch

You’ve recently been hired as a cleaner at the ever-so-famous Gusteau’s. Today is the first day of your new job. 

The streets of Paris are bustling with activity. The little noise that you do make is washed away by a plethora of sound. As charming as Paris can be, it’s easy to find it overwhelming. Alas, as much as you want to run home and sleep a few more hours, you can’t. You’ve been dreading work, but you seriously need a steady source of income. The last few weeks have consisted of nothing but instant noodles, the cheapest thing that you actually enjoy eating. At this point, you’re worried that if you don’t get your life together you might just turn into a giant noodle.

It took you much longer than it should have to get to the restaurant. You’ve always had trouble navigating the Parisian streets, despite having lived here your whole life. Maybe you should have considered that before you left, but hey. You needed those precious extra minutes of shut-eye. And, honestly, who cares that you’re a full half-hour late. If they fire you, you probably have enough noodles to last you until you can find another job.

You walk in and almost immediately run into a lanky, dorky-looking redhead. Time seems to slow down. You can’t seem to tear your eyes away from him. The first thing you notice is his curly, red locks that seem to frame his head in such a way to make him look like the biggest loser you’ve ever seen. Your eyes drift to his beady, brown eyes that stare at you in a way that you were sure he could see every single sin you’ve ever committed. Then there was his nose. His big, fat nose. You don’t even know how to describe it. It’s so big you can’t help but wonder if it’s even possible to naturally have a nose that big. Surely, he must have gotten some botched nose job or something of the sort. What else could explain that atrocity? As hard as it is to tear your eyes away from his horrendous nose, you manage to scan the rest of his body. He’s tall and lanky, not unlike your typical twink. It seems like the slightest touch could snap all of the bones in his body at once.

Overall, he looks like a little bitch.

But, a part of you is strangely attracted to him. As rancid as he looks, he has a bit of charm to him. He’s not exactly good-looking, but yet, you still can’t seem to tear your eyes away from him. Something about him screams “future lover” and you absolutely despise that. How could such a disgusting little goblin-man be so attractive to you. You decide to blame puberty (despite the fact that you’ve long passed that stage of your life).

After a moment of awkward staring, he breaks the silence. “Where on earth have you been? You’re almost two full hours late!” He scowls at you, which does nothing to help him stop looking like such a little bitch.

You check the clock on the walls and then your watch. Oh man. You forgot that daylight savings existed. Not that it really matters anyway. You were already late, so why not go the extra mile and be extraordinarily late.

“Don’t be such a little bitch, man,” you whine at him, “Just hurry up and tell me what to do so I can get away from you asap.”

The bitch has the audacity to look offended and scoffs, “Fine. I’ll let it slide this once. But only because we’re so short on staff. Just follow me so I can show you the cleaning supplies.”

You soon learn the bitch’s name is Linguini. Which makes sense. It’s a dumb name for a dumb guy. He gives you a brief tour of the restaurant and it’s various places to store cleaning products. It’s just as riveting as it sounds. You were hoping this would be quick, but it’s almost like he’s taking as long as he possibly can just to annoy you… And that’s probably exactly what he’s doing. What a bitch.

However, one thing led to another and you were soon making out with him in a nasty bathroom stall. Not really romantic, but hey, at least you had something to do besides cleaning. You both proceed to spend the rest of your shifts passionately making out in that dirty little stall. Luckily for you, it doesn’t go any further than that. As much as you’d like to get laid and finally be able to flaunt your title of “ex-virgin,” you really don’t want your first time to be with this sad excuse of a man. You may be desperate, but you don’t think you could ever be desperate enough to do anything sexual with a man named Alfredo Linguini.

Unfortunately for you, it appears that poor little Linguini did want to get in your pants. In an act of pettiness, he says that you need to stay late to finish your cleaning duties. Which is totally unfair, considering it’s his fault you didn’t get to them in the first place. But, to be completely honest you probably wouldn’t have done them anyway. Now, as you mop the floor, you almost wished you had given up your lame-ass morals and fucked him. At least you could have just gone home.

It’s almost midnight when you’ve finally finished everything. You’re putting away your stupid mop when you see something move out of the corner of your eye. Luckily, you’re right next to the cutlery so you’re easily able to snatch a knife. You whirl around to face the horrible night-creature, with your knife in optimal stabbing-position.

The horrendous demon you were preparing to battle to the death with wound up being a furry little rat. An equally terrible creature. You bring your knife down with all the force you can muster (which isn’t a whole lot, but at least you’re trying). The nasty little devilspawn easily dodges your knife. But, you’re persistent. You spend the next few minutes trying to murder the little bastard. Sadly, it seems like this isn’t the rat’s first tango with death. He effortlessly dodges all of your attacks. You prepare yourself to swing your blade down upon him once again when he makes a bold move. He runs right at you!

The wrath that was coursing through your veins rapidly is replaced by panic. A scream escapes you as you scramble away. In your terror, you drop your weapon. Your back hits the wall and you come to a startling realization. The furry bastard backed you into a corner! You frantically look for a means of escape, but there is none. All you can do is accept your fate. You gulp as you realize that beast is mere feet away now. As a last ditch effort you kick at him with all your might. You quickly realize that wasn’t the wisest idea as the rat latches onto your bare ankle. He bit you!

Kinky.

You shake your leg and fling the rat across the room. As he lies there, motionless, you make a break for it. Someone else can deal with this infestation in the morning. You’ve already suffered way too much to bear to be here any longer. You scurry off to the door when you realize you’re too short to reach the handle. What on earth? You jump to grab it, but it continues to get higher and higher out of your reach. It dawns on you. The door’s not getting taller. You’re getting shorter! And when did your hands morph into nakey little rat hands? Realization hits you like a train. You’re a rat now.

You scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bon appletit bitch


	2. Love at First Bite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be real. I forgot about this fic lmao. I wrote it all almost a year ago. I can't be bothered to read it, so uhh good luck. Idk what's going to go down lol

Panic courses through your veins. I mean, how else are you supposed to feel after suddenly being animorphed into a rat? You’re snapped out of your thoughts by scuffling. That nasty-ass rat is approaching you. It’s a shame your hands are now too small to hold a knife.

“What the fuck is happening??” You ask the little rat monster.

“I’m cursed, bud. Whenever I bite someone they transform into a rat. Don’t get ur panties in a twist, you’ll turn back into a person once dawn comes and yadda, yadda, yadda. Also btw my name is remster.”

“If you knew this would happen, then why the fuck would you do this to me you little rat bithc?? i'm going to beat your ass.”

“I wanted to make u see things my way. Also i needed to get you to stop trying to murfd3r my ass”

“Okay, that’s fair enough.”

Now, you’re unsure of what to do. You no longer have any access to the means to kill Remy, and honestly, you’re not sure if you want to anymore. It was easier when you didn’t think of him as a sentient creature. Now that you’ve begun to humanize him, you’re finding it hard to not sympathize with him. Maybe rats aren’t as nasty as you originally thought.

“So, uh. Like how were u curse, and by whom??? Like who does that something that extreme to some unimportant probably-disease-ridden rat.“

Remy looks off into the distance, his eyes glazed over in thought. It takes a few seconds, but he finally responds with an, “I’d rather not talk about it.”

Whoops. That was the wrong thing to say. You can quite literally feel the awkwardness between you two double. Exactly what you weren’t going for. The tension is so thick that not even a 1000° knife could cut it.

The next few minutes are filled with a stifling silence. It takes a while for you to gather the courage to speak up again. “So, uh…” you trail off. Maybe you should have spent less of that time getting ready to speak up and more of that time thinking of what you were going to say.

Fortunately for you, Remy swoops in to save the day. He motions for you to follow, and you do so without hesitation. You’re led through a hole in the wall, that you hadn’t noticed at your full height. The outside world greets you a few twists and turns later

“I’m not sure where to take ya man,” Remy begins, “My father wouldn’t approve... he never liked my human lovers... so I can’t take you to my home. Unless you have a house or something, we can just kinda hang out.”

Despite Remy being a rat, you still feel ashamed at how filthy your apartment is. There’s no way you’re letting him witness your mess. Chances are he wouldn’t care (hell, he might even enjoy it) but you’re not willing to take that risk. You’ve already made a big enough fool of yourself for one day. 

Wait… what are you thinking? He’s a rat. Why do you suddenly care about his opinion of you? When did this character development happen? Well, it doesn’t matter. He’s not coming to your apartment. Period.

“Yah i have a home, but i dont want u in it, you nasty little rat boy,” you bluntly inform him. Screw his little rat emotions.

Remy visibly deflates. He was trying to befriend you, despite everything he’s done to you. You quickly stomped any pity you felt. You really shouldn’t need to keep reminding yourself that he’s a rat. But yet, here we are.

“We could always wander around Paris. You could get a chance to see the world from a rat’s point of view,” Remy hopefully suggested.

You reluctantly agree. As much as you hate it, you’re trapped in this rat-shaped prison. You might as well attempt to make the most of it. And, no. You did not say yes to appease Remy. It definitely had nothing to do with the warm feeling that blossomed in your chest when he smiled his little rat-smile. You just want something to do. Yep. You’re bored.

Remy signals for you to follow with his little rat hands. He leads you to the river that’s conveniently placed behind the restaurant. While it’s literally right behind the restaurant, it still takes you forever to get to it. Not only are you about 0.175% of your original weight, you’ve also never had rat feet before. You barely manage to stumble your way to the water’s edge. So much for getting a tour of Paris.

Your fellow rat seems to sense your dilemma. He pats the concrete next to his, motioning for you to sit next to him. As much as you find him icky, you don’t have much of a choice. You don’t think you could make it another step before you fall and break your face. 

As you not-so-gracefully sit your little rat butt down, you glance over at Remy. The icky boy is paying you no attention, instead he’s staring into Parisian night. As much as you also want to look at the view, you have bigger fish to fry. Well, rather a bigger rat to fry. You still are unsure of how you feel about Remy. Sure, not even an hour ago you thought he was the nastiest thing on the planet, but now he’s begun to wiggle his way into your heart. And, no matter how much you hate to admit it, Remy is kind of hot for a rat.

You study Remy. You can’t help but notice the way the Parisian lights reflect off of Remy’s empty void-like orbs. His beady, normally emotionless little rat eyes suddenly seem full of life. The lights dance across his orbs in a way that mesmerizes you. His eyes, so warm and welcoming, lure you under their spell more and more the longer you look at them. You feel your heart flutter. Could you actually be feeling something for this little rat boy? You quickly push away that thought. What has gotten into you?

Moving on from the orbs (what on earth happened there?), you take note of how small he is. For a rat, he seems awfully frail. The few other rats you’ve seen have been much bulkier. His petit form makes him seem almost feminine. He’s basically the rat equivalent of a twink. Much like Linguini. Huh. Maybe that’s your type.

Suddenly, Remy looks over at you. To your horror, you two make eye contact. You look away as quickly as you can, trying to pretend that didn’t happen. But it did. Your face burns at the thought. Good thing you’re currently covered in hair. You’re definitely beet red.

Luckily, Remy doesn’t mention it. He looks away once again, freeing you from that awkward experience. You don’t dare to look at him again. The two of you spend the rest of the night silently gazing at the glittering city. Neither you nor Remy moves until the first bit of sunlight spills from the horizon.

This breaks Remy out of his trance. “Yo uh dawg we gotta go,” he exclaims. You don’t even get a chance to protest before he begins scurrying off towards the restaurant. Suddenly, you remember the whole “morph back into a human at dawn” thing. You scamper after him. It wouldn’t be too good if anyone saw a rat suddenly animorph into a human. Remy leads you back through the little hole into the kitchen. Amazingly, throughout that whole ordeal, you only fell on your face twice (compared to the trip to the river, it’s an astonishingly low number).

You made it back just in the nick of time. As soon as you enter the kitchen, you begin shifting back into a human. It’s just as wild as the first time. The world around you seems to shrink and contort. Your vision sharpens and, suddenly, you can distinguish reds and greens from each other (who knew rats were colorblind?). Your little rat hands lengthen into your regular people-hands. Now that you were expecting it, it wasn’t nearly as unpleasant.

Remy smiles and gives you a tiny thumbs up with his little baby rat hand. You feel all warm and gooey. You’re beginning to accept it. You’re crushing on Remy.

Before you can return his thumbs up, the kitchen door bursts open. It’s the little bitch himself. The absolute last man you wanted to see. Linguini waltzes into the kitchen and freezes at the sight of you. You glance down at the floor. Luckily, Remy is blessed with common sense and got his ass out of there.

Linguini narrowed his eyes. “Uhhhhhh what are you doing here??”  
You panic. Obviously you can’t tell him you shapeshifted into a rat, ran around Paris all night with a fellow rat, who was the reason you turned into a rat in the first place, and slowly began to fall in love with said rat. You were definitely not on that level of friendship with Linguini.

Unsure of what to say, you throw his question back at him. “Uhhhhhhh, why are YOU here??”

“Unlike you, I am needed at all times in order for this place to function. I get the privilege of opening this bad boy up every day,” Linguini proudly declares. Ugh. How obnoxious.

To buy yourself some time to think of a lie, you ask, “Aren’t you just a trash boy?”

“Shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!” Linguini screeches. Wow, he’s really getting mad. “Tell me why you’re still here, or else I’ll fire you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

While you’re 100% certain he can't fire you, tell him your lie anyway, “you made me do too much cleaning!! It was super late by the time I was done! I passed out as soon as I was done! I wanted to go home but I’m too committed to this job to do a half-assed job!” You even manage to shed a tear whilst telling your sob-story. Nice.

Apparently that was enough to win the bitch over. He smiles at you and without any warning begins to make out with you.

You know you shouldn’t mind. After all, made out with him for most of yesterday. But, a small part of you can’t help but imagine Linguini's lips as Remy’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment and kudos or else i'll delete the rest of the fic. don't make me do it bitchass


	3. A Forbidden Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm desperate to get this fucker off my conscience. I still don't have any memory of what I'm posting. I'm pretty sure Linguini breaks labor laws in this. Please enjoy it or I'll cry

Since you’re already at work, Linguini gives you the “privilege” to start your shift eleven hours early. You think this is illegal, but you honestly don’t care. You’re far too distracted by Remy to be concerned about the bitch and his bitchy antics. Without realizing it, you’ve been mopping the same bathroom floor for the past four hours. You can’t stop thinking about Remy and what all this means.

It’s not like you can ask anyone for advice. You’re the only person dumb enough to fall in love with a rat. So, you’re left with only yourself and your mop for consultation. Maybe if you mop the floor enough you’ll be able wash away your feelings away.

Finally, a painfully long fifteen hours later, your shift is over. Before Linguini can force you to work anymore, you throw on your coat and go to the back doors. As you’re opening the doors, you see something moving in your peripheral vision. Remy’s waving at you from the corner of the room! Once he has your attention he scampers into the kitchen. All of your desire to leave is forgotten as you chase after your rodent crush.

You burst through the kitchen doors. Without any hesitation you command, “Bite me, babe.”

Remy smirks and chomps down on your leg. You begin your anime-like transformation into your rat form. As soon as you're done, you grab Remy by the paw and hurry out the door with him. You’re still stumbling a bit, but you’re beginning to get used to having little rat feet. Remy once again leads you to the riverside.

“So,” Remy begins, breaking the silence, “what was that about calling me babe?”

You flush. Once again you’re thankful that you’re coated in hair. “I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

Remy rumbles with laughter. Soon, you join in. Your embarrassment is quickly forgotten. After all, based on his joking tone, Remy clearly didn’t mind the nickname. You two fall into a comfortable silence. But, something is bugging you. You still don’t really understand the curse and you’re curious to know more. However, you’re nervous to bring it up. The last time you tried to ask about it Remy seemed real upset.

Before you can lose the courage to say something, you blurt out, “uhhhh can you please uh tell me about the curse?? I’m on an epic level of curious!”

Remy flinches. You can tell you’ve made a mistake. He continues to stare off into the distance, refusing to look at you. The silence returns, but it’s no longer comfortable. A few minutes of painfully awkward silence pass and you want nothing more than to die.

Still refusing to look at you, Remy finally speaks up. “Like a year ago I was deeply in love with Linguini. What started as a wild fling wound up being a deeply passionate relationship. But, I knew it couldn’t last. We both were aware that what we were doing was illegal, but I suppose that’s what made it exciting. After a few months of passionate flings and wild sex, I was beginning to get nervous. My dad was beginning to suspect that something was up. I began to realize the possible consequences of my actions. Soon, I was afraid. I was afraid of what both the law and my dad would do to me. I told Linguini we had to end it. But, Linguini was in denial. He refused to realise that there would be repercussions for our actions. He begged and pleaded, but I knew I had to break up with him. Soon the denial turned to fury. He was absolutely pissed that I would dare break up with him. In his anger, he used the power of how much of a bitch he is to curse me.

“You’re aware of the curse. That whenever I bite someone they’ll temporarily turn into a rat until the next sunrise. It may not seem like a lot to you, but it’s been devastating. For most people this curse would have no effect, but Linguini knew me. As my lover, we became really close. He knows more about me than anyone, and he uses that information against me. That bitch was fully aware of my tendency to bite when things get steamy. He knows that I can’t control it. Because of this, all of my more recent lovers have been scared away. Which is understandable. When someone suddenly morphs into a rat they tend to freak out. You were surprisingly chill with it. There were a few layers to the curse too. He knows that I’m not attracted to other rats. As weird as it is for a rat, I’m only attracted to humans. There’s a surprising amount of humans who’ll do it with a rat. By biting them, I’d not only scare them away but I’d also lose all sexual interest in them.

“Who knows. Maybe Linguini chose this curse for the irony. I continued having flings with humans, but I still wouldn’t date him. He knew that I didn’t want to take the risk with him, so he was mad that I was willing to risk it with others. But, the fact of the matter was me and Linguini were too close. I couldn’t risk it. A one night stand isn’t as risky as a committed relationship. As a retaliation, he made all my future relationships legal.”

Remy’s speech had made you speechless. How on earth are you supposed to respond to that? Not only did Remy reveal WAY too much about his sex life, he’s also basically told you he isn’t attracted to you. Yowch.

Remy takes the silence as an opportunity to continue. “But, maybe I’m overthinking it. Linguini is kind of an idiot. I doubt he even thought it through before cursing me. Or maybe I’m not overthinking it. Or maybe I’m overthinking overthinking it.... I’m sorry, I’ve rambled on long enough. I hope you’ve gotten your answers.”

Well, you can’t argue with that. Linguini is really dumb. There’s no way the bitch has the brain capacity to even fathom any of that. Nonetheless, you just nod along and give Remy a reassuring pat on the shoulder.  
The two of you fall into a silence again, but this time Remy makes no move to fill it. You realize that you’ll need to speak up if you don’t want a repeat of yesterday. As nice as it seems to just sit and enjoy the view, you really want to get to know Remy better. All you know about him is the curse and the fact that he’s a rat. You’re going to have to step up your game if you want Remy to fall for you.

You suck in some air and suggest, “so uhh like do u wanna come to my place to hang??”

Remy glances over at you for the first time since his rant. He smirks, “lmaoo ok.”

You being scurrying off in the direction of your apartment. Remy, of course, follows you. Luckily, you don’t live too far away. But, you both are tiny little rats. The normally ten minute walk takes almost half an hour. You’re not sure if it’s due to your smaller size, or because you still keep face planting. Whatever it is, you’re still hella slow.

The two of you finally reach you nastyass cheapass apartment. You would be worried about how to get in, but the place is absolutely riddled with holes. You’re almost thankful the landlord is too cheap to fix the place up. You and Remy squeeze through one of the holes and traverse down the hallway. It doesn't take too long to get to your apartment and it takes even less time to get in. Like literally everywhere else, your walls are full of holes.

Thankful that your journey is over, Remy makes a beeline for your kitchen. Confused, you follow him. You find him rummaging through your fridge with a look of confusion. Remy shuts the fridge and asks “Uuhhh hey buddy where's all ur food??? I was going to make u dinner but u got nothing??”

“Umm i got noodles in the cabinet” you respond. Remy’s face goes from confused to disgusted instantly. This is majorly embarrassing. Who knew a rat would have such refined tastes?

Remy narrows his eyes. After a moment of silent judgement, he says “bicth wtf.”

So much for making a good impression on him. Attempting to save yourself, you tell him, “i also have a bag of pizza rolls in the freezer i was saving for a special occasion.”

Somehow, Remy manages to look even more disgusted. You’re absolutely dying of embarrassment at this point. You brought him to your apartment in the hopes of wooing him, not making him hate you.

Remy picks up on your body language. His face softens. “hey buddy uhh it’s ok man. judging from this nastass apartment ur hecka poor my dude… so it’s like chill i guess.”

You can't help but smile at that. Remy is super kind and considerate, in a super hot way of course. You respond, “lmaoo alrighty my dude lets just hang out my bedroom ;)))))”  
Remy slams the fridge shut before following you to your bedroom. Luckily, for you two, the bedroom door fell off its hinges years ago. Maybe it’s good that you never bothered to get it fixed. You enter the room with ease and lead Remy to a pile of forgotten (and thankfully clean) clothes next to your bed. The two of you flop down and chill.

“Yo so uh,” Remy began, breaking the silence, “like why’d you want to come here?? It’s kinda trashy lol.”

You chuckle at that. “Yeah lol it is,, but i wanted to tell u something”

Remy raises one of his little rat eyebrows. “Huh?”

You blush a bit as you say, “I wanted to tell you something, away from any eavesdroppers. Remy the rat, ur pretty dang hot. It was hella sexy the way you told me about the curse and ur feelings and junk. It also was kinda sad tbh. I just wanna let u know that no matter what, I’ll always be here for you… and I think ur super hot, we should make out.”

Remy looks at you with shock. He looks like he wants to say something, but ultimately decides against it. He looks away from you in thought. You figure you’ll give him some time to process. After all, you basically just confessed your undying love to the little stinker.

It takes a while, but Remy finally speaks up, “yo that was pretty sweet and also pretty hot. I really thought i wasn’t capable of being attracted to fellow rats, but ur sweet words were super sexy. I think you’ve cured me!!! Suddenly im finding rat sexy!!1! Wow!!!!!!!☺”

At hearing Remy’s love confession, you pounce on him. You begin making out with him without any hesitation. You’re overjoyed when Remy kisses you back. You spend hours making out with Remy. Unlike your desperate kisses with Linguini, your kisses are of passion and love.

One thing leads to another, and the rest of your night is filled with passionate love-making.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remy do be kinda hot tho 👀😜🤪
> 
> (lol i literally wrote a note in my google docs explaining to my proofreaders that i hated myself for that last sentence lmaoo)


	4. The Death of a Lover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I skimmed this one lol. Have fun

You awake the next day human, naked, and on the floor. Dazed, you jerk upright. This effectively flings the rat, who had been napping on your shoulder, across the room. At the sight of Remy, you suddenly are able to recall last night's events. Before you can react, he hits the wall with a squeak. You hands fly over your mouth and you gasp. You scramble over to his motionless body.

Tears fill your eyes as you pick up him limp body. You put his tiny rat body up to your ear to listen for a heartbeat. You hear nothing. Sobs rack your body as you realize you just murdered your lover.

You’re weeping over the rat’s corpse when you hear a deep and sultry voice “wow that was rude lmao that hurt real bad.”

Could it be? Are your ears deceiving you? Hopeful, you look down at Remy’s corpse and discover that he’s not dead! Relief fills you as you begin making out with him. You only stop once you feel Remy’s little rat hand wipes at a stray tear.

“why were u crying babe?” he asks, concern lacing his words.

You chuckle, realizing how foolish you were. “lmao babe i thought I killed you.”

Remy laughs along with you, “trust me, if I survived a relationship with Linguini, I can survive anything.”

The two of you laugh at Remy’s joke for a few minutes. Linguini really does suck. Once the laughter dies down, you speak up. “But like seriously babe. I know this is only day 3 of knowing you, but i’m super duper in love with you. I can’t bear the thought of anything bad happening to you. Idk what i’d do if you ever died for realsies.”

Remy shyly smiles, “aw babe that’s mega sweet of you.”

You continue making out with Remy for a bit before glancing at the clock. “Shit!!” you exclaim, realizing it’s already 4pm. You’re not sure if you slept late or if you spent too long making out with Remy, but either way you’re late to your shift.

Panicking, you throw on some clothes, scoop Remy up into your pocket, and run out the door. It’s a lot quicker getting to the restaurant now that you have human legs. It only takes you about five minutes to get there, but that means you’re five minutes late. Linguini’s never going to let you hear the end of this. You don’t think you can handle getting yelled at by that bitch again without doing something you’d regret.

Just like you expected, Linguini begins whining at you about being late. Unable to handle his bitchiness, you yell, “i dont love u linguini and i never have! whatever we had is over. you need to leave me alone!!”

Linguini freezes. You don’t know why he’s so shocked. You’ve only known him three days and during that time you’ve barely interacted with him. The most intimate thing you two have done is kiss. You’ve barely even talked. So, you can’t help but get irritated when Linguini’s shock morphs into sadness. What right does he have to be sad about this? Three days??

Like the little bitch he is, Linguini bursts into tears. You have to resist the urge to beat him up. Fortunately, it doesn’t take too long for his crying to die down. Unfortunately, that sadness quickly morphs into a raw anger. What a bitch.

You cross your arms and wait for him to cool down. Like the totally reasonable and respectable man he is, he just starts screaming at you. It’s not even coherent words. Just screaming. You can’t handle it any longer. Pissed, you prepare to punch the bitch in the face. But, before you can take the satisfying swing at his oversized nose, the unexpected happens. Sweet little Remy jumps from your pocket and shouts, “Wait!!!”

This gets Linguini to shut up. Finally. He’s now standing between the two of you, clearly trying to calm you and the bitch down. You put your fist down and listen for what Remy has to say. But, Linguini doesn’t seem too keen on listening. If anything his fury only grows stronger.

Linguini points accusing finger at Remy. Once again, he starts screaming. Surprisingly, this time it’s actually words. “It was you, wasn’t it!! you little rat bastard! you’re the reason for both of my heartbreaks! you suck so much!! i hate you so much!!!”

Remy grimaces at Linguini’s yelling. He calmly tells Linguini, “lmao my dude it’s not my fault ur unlovable. but im the one you should be mad at. take your anger out of me.”

The little bitch smiles a sinister smile. “Gladly.”

Before you can react, Linguini swings his little bitch fist through the air and slams it down on Remy. You scream and lunge at Linguini, but it’s too late. The bitch pulls away his fist to reveal the mangled and bloodied body of Remy.

You collapse next to him and break down. The love of your life is dead and Linguini is to blame. But, no matter how much you want to scream and beat up Linguini, it won’t fix anything. Remy is gone.

Or so you thought. Through your tears, you see Remy’s body spasm. Shocked, you gently pick him up, careful not cause him anymore pain. He slowly opens his eyes. At the sight of you he smiles, clearly in pain. He gently wraps a little rat hand around your finger. That, of course, only makes you cry harder. Even in his dying moments he wants you to be happy.

“Hey, it’s going to be ok.” Remy pauses to couch up some blood. “I love you so much. You mean the world to me. I’m just glad it wasn’t you who Linguini beat up.”

As you’re sobbing over your dying boyfriend, Linguini smirks. “This is what the both of you deserve. You both suck so much lmao”

You ignore Linguini. You can beat him up later. Desperate for Remy to not die, you ask him, “is there anything i can do? please don’t die on me babe!”

Remy just sadly smiles at you and proceeds to hack up more blood. You get the message. This is it. It’s really the end. You start sobbing over Remy again. No matter what you do, you can’t stop Remy’s eyes from slowly flickering shut. Your tears mix with your lover’s blood.

Unexpectedly, Remy lifts his head a little and manages to choke out a few words, “There is a way to save me… but… it comes at… a price…… If you kiss me… then i’ll be cured… but then you’ll have to be a rat forever…….. If you don’t want to be a rat…. I understand….. It sucks lmao…”

His final words trailed off as he put his head back down. He makes no signs of moving anymore. But, now you had an opportunity to save him. A choice to make between your humanity or Remy’s life. A choice between your entire human existence and a rat you’ve only known for three days.

You sit there with Remy’s life in your hands, in more ways than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god damn yall arent ready for the next chapters lmao


	5. God is Real and Thinks Linguini is a Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the only chapter I kinda remember lol. I put WAY to much effort into this lmaoo.
> 
> Good luck hoes. You're gonna need it.

The choice is hard to make. As much as you love Remy, you have only known him for like three days. It’s been a wonderful and incredibly hot three days, but three days nonetheless. Is he worth giving up being a person for? It seems selfish to ask, but you’re not too sure if you even like being a rat. Man, three days isn’t nearly enough time to make this life-changing decision.

Your hands are coated in Remy’s blood. If you don’t make a decision now, then it’ll be too late. You don’t know how much blood a rat has, but you didn’t think it was this much. Everything is red. It takes a bit to kick in but soon your nose is assaulted by the sharp metallic smell of blood. You can’t help but feel sick.

After contemplating for a minute, you know now’s the time to make your choice. At this point you’re pretty sure there's more blood outside of Remy than inside. In your moment of panic, you decide to yolo it and make out with the almost-dead rat. Maybe you should have thought that through. Now his blood is all up in your mouth. Nasty.

But it worked! Remy’s mangled body slowly begins putting itself back together. It’s almost like watching him die, but slowly reversed (without the bitch’s fist, of course). His bones shift back in place and his wounds stitch themselves back together. His blood slithers back into his body, leaving your hands and mouth blood-free. Thank goodness. That was real rancid.

Remy opens his eyes in time to witness your transformation. Smoke appears out of nowhere and gathers around your feet. It gently swirls around you, slowly spiraling up your body. Your body, now covered in the smoke, rises into the air and glows golden. As you glow, you slowly begin your final animorph into your rat form. You can’t help but think that this seems like a ripoff of Fiona's transformation from Shrek. However, you don’t care. This is too beautiful of a moment to worry about plagiarism. 

The golden light fades and the smoke disperses, leaving you as a rat forevermore. You can’t help but find it a bit strange that this specific transformation is so jazzed up. But, that’s besides the point. At the sight of Remy you realize that now’s not the time to be uncovering any plot holes.

You rush at Remy. After that scare, you’re desperate to show him your love. He runs at you too, it seems he feels the same. The two of you meet in front of Linguini and promptly begin making out. You decide that nothing will tear you two apart again.

Linguini, like the absolute bitch he is, is enraged by your display of love. He storms over to you. His previous anger is vastly overshadowed by his fresh fury. Linguini is absolutely pissed. Honestly, at this point you’re not surprised. He’s pretty predictable. After all, the only two emotions you’ve ever seen him express are rage and lust.

Linguini storms over you and your fellow rat. Just from the look in his eyes you can tell he has some illegal intentions. Or maybe not illegal... Is it against the law to murder a rat? It’s not like the bitch would get arrested for your murder. His singular brain cell probably functions enough to clean up your rat corpse.

You grab Remy’s little rat hand. This is it. There’s no getting out of it. Linguini is going to be a mega bitch and murder you. At least Remy won’t die alone.

Remy squeezes your hand. You look at him and are surprised to see him smiling. Not an grim wow-we’re-about-to-die-but-I-don’t-want-to-panic-and-make-you-feel-worse kind of smile, but rather one full of genuine joy.

He notices your confusion. He happily tells you, “I know how we can kill this bitch once and for all.”

“Uh buddy if you know how to stop this ickyass man hurry up and tell me,” you respond. Now's not the time to be dramatic. Linguini’s literal seconds away from absolutely demolishing the two of you.

“Alright buddy, you’re going to have to trust me tho… it sounds a wee bit cray cray…” Remy trails off, clearly not caring that they’re moments away from being pulverized.

Frustrated, you shout, “spit it out!! stop making filler so this moment is longer, and therefore more dramatic!!! it’s not going to be cool if we’re dead!!!”

“Lmao true that,” Remy replies, “just listen up homie. The whole reason that your kiss healed me was because it was powered by our raw and super passionate love. Like how Lingpeenie was bitchy enough to curse me, our feelings for each other are so strong that we broke the laws of reality. The only thing is there’s always a price to pay. For us it was your humanity, for Linguini it was his sanity. Also he’s like double the bitch he used to be.

“The universe wasn’t able to stop us from being apart, because our love was so strong. Kinda like how Lingpeenie was such a bigass bitch that even God couldn’t stop him (or rather didn’t want to stop him because Linguini really is a bitch). God abandoned us long ago. Which is understandable tbh. Lingpeenie can scare anyone away. But, right now, the only thing that can stop Lingpeenie from abusing that power is us. Are you ready to stop lingpeenie once and for all?”

You nod, despite not understanding what any of that means. You’re just ready to kick that bitch’s ass.  
Remy grabs your other hand. “Trust me on this. Just do what I do and let the power flow through you.”

Your rat lover closes his eyes and you mimic him. You take a deep breath in and attempt to harness your power. Surprisingly, you feel something. A warmth that blossoms in your chest, spreading throughout your whole body. You can’t help but smile at the comforting feeling. Remy gives your hand a squeeze and your smile turns into a full-on grin. The warmth, sensing the spark of love, doubles in its intensity. Any doubts you had about Remy’s logic is quickly forgotten.

You open your eyes at the same time Remy does. He, too, is grinning. You and Remy look at Linguini. He’s now a mere foot away, his fist already swinging down in a mighty (bitchy) motion. In perfect sync, the two of you raise a rat hand at Linguini in a “stop” motion. The bitch’s fist halts mid air, as if he just smashed his hand into an invisible wall. The cracks of his knuckles breaking are almost drowned out by his animalistic howls of pain.

Clutching his now bloodied and broken fist, Linguini glares at you. It’s clear that he’s going to put up a fight. He groans as his fist begins mending itself together. Shoot. You really don’t know the extent of his bitch-powers. You and Remy are going to have to end this fast before he can surprise you anymore. Who knows what kinds of tricks he has up his gross little bitch sleeves.

“Remy we’re going to need something stronger to defeat him! What do we do?!” you cry.

Your fellow rat grimaces. He clearly didn’t plan on Linguini being this strong. “Dude lmao i dunno i’ve only been magic for, like, a day. Give me a minute.”

“Buddy man,” you say, “we don’t got a minute.”

Remy shrugs, “like i dunno let’s just like listen to our instincts??”

You sigh. Remy is absolutely no help. But, you still try to do as he says. You once again lock rat hands with him, close your eyes, and try to summon up your power. If you can’t think of a plan, you might as well be ready to beat that bitch up.

Unexpectedly, Remy’s idea seems to somewhat work. As you’re sitting there, delving deeper and deeper into your power, you hear something. A whisper so faint that you’re not sure if you’re hearing things. You peak at Remy, he’s staring back at you with wide eyes. It seems that he, too, experienced the strange phenomenon. You close your eyes once again and try to channel that whisper. It grows louder and louder, but you still can’t seem to make it out.

Through your concentration, you can hear Linguini start thundering towards you. Remy squeezes your hand in a reassuring way. Once again, that seems to do the trick. You hear the voice loud and clear.

”It’s time for Linguini to pay for his crimes. To pay for the pain he’s wrought on this land. To suffer the way he’s made the innocent suffer. It’s time for him to be sent to the depths of hells in which he belongs. Unfortunately, his power has weakened me. I am no match for how much of a bitch he is. I cannot confront him on my own. For that, I will need the two of you. You two will be the vessels in which I channel my power through to end this era of pain and tragedy. You’re evenly matched with Linguini. With my help, you’ll be unstoppable. Just repeat what I say and Linguini’s bought of terror will finally come to an end.”

Uncertainty fills you. You’re really not sure what’s going on, but you have a gut feeling that you should trust whatever this voice is saying. After these last few days you’ve learned to just go with the flow. Apparently, Remy doesn’t feel the same way.

Rudely, Remy asks, “Uhhhhh just wait a minute. Who the fuck are you??”

The voice seems to scoff. “Don’t be so foolish Remy. Who else could be talking to you now? Who else could be offering you unimaginable power? Who else would be so eager to rid this realm of the bitch Linguini?”

“God???????????,” Remy asks, wide-eyed, “Man it’s good to know that you didn’t abandon us lmaoooo”

“Ever since the day of Linguini’s birth I’ve been waiting. The second he was created I knew it was a mistake. I attempted to get rid of him, only to be repelled away. It appears that he is such a hellish creature that even I, God Almighty, can’t vanquish him on my own. Just the thought of him makes me sick. The logical next step was to find powerful mortals that can do the dirty work for me.”

Remy, as sweet of a boy as he is, needs to learn to keep his mouth shut. Instead of being respectful and doing what literal God was telling him to get, he said, “sounds fake but ok”

With a sigh, the voice continues, “Just pleeeaase repeat what I say. Now’s not the time to be questioning my authority. I want this bitch dead wayy more than you do. If you blow this for me I’m sending both of your asses down to hell.”

Remy seems to finally get the hint and stop talking. You two share a loving look before turning back to face Linguini. His fist is almost fully reformed, and he looks pissed. Before he can charge at you again, you and Remy begin chanting.

“Wretched man, you are the disease and rot that poisons this earth.”

Linguini stops in his tracks. He seems confused for a second before he breaks into laughter. “Do you really think you can defeat me? With some weakass words? I’m unstoppable!”

“You pretend to know naught of the destruction you’ve truly caused, but I see through your poorly-crafted lies.”

Linguini’s smug smile falters. The confusion returns to his face. He grasps at his chest, clearly feeling something. You can tell he’s beginning to realize you and Remy aren’t messing around.

“You plague this earth with misery and despair”

Linguini begins to cough. His confusion turns to terror. He begins clawing at his chest. The coughing turns to hacking. Linguini stares at you with wide eyes.

“You cause nothing but spoil and decay.”

As Linguini continues coughing, you notice something splatter onto the floor. Blood. He keeps hacking and clawing at his chest. His eyes are wild and panicked. He heaves and gasps for air, making horrible choking sounds.

“Your heart is blacker than the coals that keep your hatred aflame.”

Linguini collapses onto his knees. He coughs harder and harder, coughing up more and more blood. His gasps for air are wet and gurgled. His nose begins bleeding, mixing with the bloody saliva that coats his chin.

“You will rot in the deep bowels of hell, forever being punished for your sin.”

Linguini’s hands have ripped open his button-down shirt. He’s clawing at his bare chest. His sharp nails leave gashes as they rake his skin. He doesn’t stop when they become wet and sticky with his own blood. If anything, he just claws harder.

“You are no more innocent than Satan himself.”

Linguini falls onto his back. His hand that were frantically clawing moments before now lie still. He twitches and bleeds, but he makes no attempt to move. His head lolls to the side, now facing you. You look into his eyes. You see pain, defeat, and acceptance.

“And, now comes time for us to vanquish you, like you’ve attempted to vanquish us.”  
Linguini stops moving. You watch as his eyes glaze over, losing any emotion they once held.

The voice stops whispering in your ear. You let go of Remy’s rat hand. The deed is done. The evil is defeated. You know you should feel overjoyed. It’s the end of an era, and a bad one at that. But, you can’t help but feel like something’s wrong.

Dark red blood sluggishly drips down Linguini’s chin, a stark contrast against his pale skin. It runs from his nose and drips from his mouth, pooling into a puddle that frames his oversized head. It makes you sick to look at. In an attempt to divert your gaze, you look at his eyes. Big mistake. Just moments ago those eyes were fiery and very much alive. Now, they’re glazed over and dull. He stares at you emptily, as if acknowledging that you won. You should feel better about this. Hell, you should be overjoyed that the bitch is dead. But, making eye contact with his lifeless corpse feels weird. It’s less like staring at Linguini and more like staring at death.

Suddenly, Linguini’s corpse takes a breath. Or seems too. You know it’s just the gases passing, but it makes you feel sick. This all makes you sick. As much as you hate the man, you hate staring death in the face even more. Those lifeless eyes seem to stare into your soul. You feel sick. They stare and they stare and they stare. Soon that sickness isn’t just a feeling. You turn away from those cold, dead eyes and vomit.

As you finish emptying your stomach (there wasn’t much in there in the first place) Remy places a rat hand on your back and rubs soothing circles. It’s a bit reassuring to know that Remy’s there for you. He’ll always be there for you.

“He’s gone,” you mumble. Saying it makes it feel more real. However, it doesn’t make it feel any better.

Remy’s quiet a moment before responding with an empty, “I know.”

It seems that the bitch’s death has also given him mixed emotions. You both hated Linguini’s guts and he hated yours back. But, it still feels weird to celebrate. The main antagonist in your life has finally been defeated. You never thought he would be gone from your life so quick. He made quite an impression on you. You know that you’re never going to forget both him and this moment.

You shouldn’t be getting so worked up about this. Linguini was a pest. He needed to be exterminated. That’s all that there was to it. There’s no need to feel sentimental about the literal bane of your existence.

The bitch is dead. He can’t torment you any longer. You’re finally free from Linguini’s bitchy wrath. As weird as it feels now, you’re sure you’ll be glad tomorrow. Afterall, he totally deserved it.

Maybe you’re just mourning this chapter of your life coming to a close. After all, it’s been a wild three days. And, judging from the direction your day has been going, the rest of your life is going to be just as crazy. Maybe that isn’t so bad. Change is scary (it’s really going to be hard getting used to the lack of bitchiness around here) but it’s sometimes for the best.

You and Remy share a look. This really is it. The finale. Your wacky adventures with Remy are coming to an end. It’s truely and end of an era. A really bitchy era. You grab Remy’s rat hand and the two of you walk away. You walk away not only from Linguini's corpse, but from all the troubles that bitch has caused. You’re walking away from the bitchy past and towards a bright and happy future.

You say one last goodbye to the bitch and leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue time!!! Get excited!!!!! It's bad uwu


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lmao linpeenie do be kinda cringe tho o.o
> 
> *Trigger Warning: Depression, Marital Issues, and Suicide*

The future isn’t as bright as you had hoped.

After the whole Linguini fiasco, you and Remy decided to settle down. You two were craving some well-deserved normalcy. It took you awhile to figure out where to live. Remy tried to bring you home with him, but it didn’t go as planned. His dad realized right away that you were human. You’re not really sure how, but it’s not like it mattered. Remy got disowned nonetheless. Devastated, he turned to you to figure out your living situation. Now that you weren’t a human, you couldn’t pay rent, so you couldn’t live in your nasty-ass apartment anymore (not that you cared). Your only reasonable option was to live in the kitchen’s walls. It was risky, but you had no choice. It was either take the risk of being killed or force Remy to confront his unloving dad. There was no way in hell you were going to make Remy go through that again.

Surprisingly, you and Remy were never discovered. Shortly after the move, you and Remy decided to get the rat-equivalent of married. The next few years of your life were contently spent with Remy by your side. You were practically inseparable. Those years were the happiest you’ve ever been. But, all good things come to an end.

Your relationship first begins to strain when Remy brings up the prospect of raising children. You’re unsure of what to say. Remy picks up on your unease, but delicately continues. He rambles about how much he likes kids and how he knows of some great places to adopt them from. You let him finish his pitch, but you know there’s no changing your mind. You decided long ago that you didn’t want kids. As much as you love him, you know you’d never be open to raising a child. Once he’s done, you tell him exactly that. You feel a pang of guilt at how devastated he looks. You can literally see the light drain from his eyes. He begs and pleads, but you cut him off. The two of you quickly have your first fight. It’s the first of many.

Over the years your relationship only worsens. Soon the love of your life is just the rat you’re legally bound to. No matter how much you try, there’s no rekindling the flame of your love. The spark simply isn’t there anymore. You still love Remy. But, no matter how much you try, he simply puts no effort into fixing your relationship. He begins distancing himself more and more. At first you’re frustrated, but your anger soon turns into worry. You rarely see Remy anymore. He’s either holed off in his room or simply nowhere to be found. You’re beginning to suspect that it’s more than your silly fights.

After almost five years of this torment, you decide to confront Remy. He’s made it very clear that he won’t be the one to initiate anything. So, one fateful evening you follow Remy as he sneaks out of the restaurant. You fully expecting him to go to some rat-bar, but he surprisingly goes to the river. Sadness squeezes your chest. This is the place where it all started. The place where you feel in love with him all those years ago. While that was ages ago, the memories are still vivid and clear. God, those were simpler times. Even at the risk of needing to deal with the bitch again, you wish you could go back. You dream of starting over and salvaging your broken relationship.

Remy sits and you follow suite. He stares out at the water as he says, “I heard you follow me out here. I figured we could enjoy the view together.”

Like all those years ago, your eyes are drawn right to Remy. You study him. For the first time in what seems like ages, you get a good look at Remy. All in all, Remy looks almost exactly the same. His twink-like build, his funky little rat hands, and his soft, yet handsome, features are a welcoming constant. But, there’s one difference. One difference that you can’t ignore.

The scene is very much like the first night you spent with Remy. Him, staring out at the river whilst you stare at him. Similarly, you notice the lights reflecting across his eyes. What you once thought was gorgeous, now deeply disturbs you. The twinkling lights seem so out of place now. Years ago, the joyous dancing of the lights complemented the playfulness that rested in Remy’s eyes. But now it merely seems like a mockery. His bright and lively eyes are now dull and empty. The lights almost seem to tease you. Taunting you of happiness you’ll never be able to reach again.

The look in his eyes is what really tears you apart. You can see everything that’s been eating away at him all these years. You can see the pain, loneliness, and defeat. You can see how broken he’s truly become. Not only by whatever’s been troubling him, but also by his self-induced isolation.

It’s all too much. You look away from Remy as tears begin to prick at your eyes. Your face finds its way into your hands and you almost instantly you begin sobbing. You feel your walls breaking down, years of depression and angst come rushing out. All the emotions that you’ve been bottling up suddenly seem more than eager to spill.

“God Remy,” you manage to choke out, “what happened to us?”

A minute goes by, filled with a painful silence. It’s clear Remy doesn’t want to say anything. Instead of giving into the quiet, you continue, “What happened to you, Remy?”

This manages to prompt a response from him. While it isn’t anything helpful, it is a step in the right direction. Uncertainly, he mumbles, “I-I don’t know…”

You take your head out of your hands and look at Remy once more. Instead of staring out at the city, he’s shifted his focus to the ground. You’re unsure of what to say now. As much as you want him to spill everything that’s been eating away at him for so long, you don’t want to further push him away by prying.  
“Remy... I’m sorry,” you sigh.

The rat finally looks at you. “I’m sorry too.”

The two of you once again fall into silence. Now significantly less painful. For the rest of the night, you don’t share anymore words. The only thing shared is the presence of one another. While it isn’t much, after all the pain and heartbreak you’ve suffered, it comforts you. You’re finally alongside your rat-lover once more. You forgot how much you missed this.

Sadly, nothing lasts forever. As the moon peaks in its travel, you find yourself drifting off to sleep. Remy shakes your shoulder before you can completely pass out. You groggily look up at him. A warm, but saddened, smile graces his face.

“I think it’s time for you to go home,” he gently tells you.

Normally you would protest, but you’re exhausted. Not up for arguing, you stand to leave. “What about you?”

Remy sighs, “I’ll come home soon… I just need to do a bit more thinking before our inevitable heart-to-heart.”

You chuckle at that, “Alright babe, don’t stay out too late. I’ll guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Alrighty. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

With your final words said, you being trekking back to the restaurant. You can’t help but smile at the warm feeling that fills your little rat chest. You’ve finally began the slow process of fixing your broken relationship. While it certainly won’t be easy, you feel like tonight you’ve made a step in the right direction. For the first time in a while, you feel hope. Things were finally going to get better.

* * *

Remy’s smile slips from his face once you disappear from his view. With a sigh, he turns back towards the water. It’s peaceful. At least up until a grating voice breaks the silence.

“It’s sickening how easy it is for you to lie to your so-called ‘lover’ like that. You and I both know you’re disgusting. So why try to fool anyone else? Why try to fool yourself?”

The voice in question belongs to his tormenter of years. None other than the bitch Linguini himself. He may have perished ages ago, but yet, he still continues to harass Remy to this day. The bitch is always hovering over Remy’s shoulder, making sure to point out everything the rat is doing wrong.

Remy has never been able to figure out what exactly Linguini is. His initial theory was that Linguini was just a spirit; a tormented soul who’s bent on avenging his untimely demise. But, as the years passed, he began questioning himself. It began to seem more and more likely that Linguini was merely a figment of his own imagination; an almost physical manifestation of his long-suppressed guilt.

However, this isn’t the first time someone’s “haunted” him. Years and years ago, Remy had dreams of being a chef, which he ended up discarding in favor of pursuing a relationship with you. But, before you entered his life, he had someone else to keep him company. What he believed was the ghost of Gusteau. The chef would follow the rat around, providing him with advice and encouragement. Very much unlike Linguini. Said bitch merely taunts Remy at every chance he gets.

It was easy to ignore Linguini at first. He first appeared shortly after you and Remy got hitched (almost a month after his murder). But, as the years passed, ignoring the belittling proved to be more and more challenging. Remy’s self-esteemed began to worsen, causing him to close in on himself. He desperately wanted to go to you for help, but he was terrified you’d think he was crazy. He was terrified you’d leave him. Sadly, in a twisted way, it ended up being him who’s leaving you.

He didn’t want it to come to this. And maybe it doesn’t have to. You still care about him. He could turn around and go home. He could have his first real conversation with you in years. He could finally see your smile and hear your laugh for the first time in years. He could fall in love with you all over again. He could begin to fix your broken relationship. Maybe he could even begin fixing himself.

Linguini’s irritating voice breaks through his thoughts. “We both know you’re never going to be able to fix your relationship. There’s no point in pretending. We both know you’re undeserving of love. It’s truly pathetic that you even try to convince yourself otherwise.”

Then he remembers why he can’t go back. He can’t go back to a life of Linguini. He can’t go back to the insults and bullying. He can’t bear to deal with the man who ruined his life even another day.

He then remembers why he can’t go back. He still can’t tell you about Linguini’s “ghost” without seeming insane. Everything would be the same. You would try to talk to him and would be too afraid to open up. He would, once again, just end up pushing you away. Linguini, his tormentor, would wind up being his only companion. He can’t go back and face the pain he’s caused you. As much as Remy hates to admit it, he’s a coward. He’s too scared to do anything but run from his problems.

After all, running from his problems is exactly what he’s doing right now. Pathetic.

“You’re a disgrace, Remy. You’re too scared to take the coward’s way out. You’re truly pathetic. You might as well go back home and pretend like tonight never happened. We both know that you want to, we both know that you will.”

But, as Linguini so lovingly put it, it would be even more pathetic to back out not. For the first time in his miserable little life he was finally going to commit to something. That something being finally getting rid of Linguini, once and for all.

It’s better for everyone this way.

Remy sighs as he gazes at the Parisian city, for one final time. He soaks in the beauty of it all. Still taking in the view, he edges closer and closer to the ledge’s edge. One final step is all it would take for everything to end.

He glances over at Linguini, who’s staring at him with solemn surprise. For the first time in years Linguini is speechless.

Remy whispers a hushed goodbye as he takes that final step. The step that was the only thing standing between him and the icy waters below. As he falls to his inevitable death, he can’t help but wonder if this was truly the right choice.

Moments from hitting the river, he looks up. He plans on seeing the stars one final time, but he sees something else. Linguini’s smug face grinning at him from the ledge. Suddenly Remy realizes his mistake.

It was truly the ghost of Linguini all along. His plan for revenge was more complex than Remy originally thought. Remy just believed that Linguini was pestering him as a petty act of vengeance, but it went much deeper than that. He wanted Remy to fall into his depression and to end up pushing you away. This was what he wanted all along. For you to lose the love of your life and for Remy to lose himself.

The last thing Remy would ever feel is regret. Regret for falling for Linguini’s game and regret for leaving you behind.

* * *

The next day you awake filled with hope. All that hope fades away when you find your home empty. It hits you. A rat hand flies to you mouth as you collapse onto the ground, sobbing. You had a feeling this day was coming, and yet you can’t believe it’s actually here.

You should have done more. You should have said something. You should have been there for him.

It’s all your fault.

You sob for hours, mourning the not-so unexpected passing of your lover. You’re completely unaware of an unwelcome spirit gleefully watching you, waiting for the chance to strike. Unbeknownst to you, soon you too will suffer the same untimely end as Remy. 

Whether you like it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol thanks to anyone who actually read this. I put a lot of effort into this joke, and I guess I'm glad I was able to finish it lol.
> 
> Also, in my defense, when I wrote this it had been months since I last watched Ratatouille. When I outlined this fanfic I was in bed with fever lmao. I also refused to rewatch it because I wanted this to be as wrong as possible lol
> 
> Thanks again for reading. Idk how u did it. Congrats on that man

**Author's Note:**

> bon appletit bitch


End file.
